How to Use a Dildo for the First Time: A Complete Beginner's Guide

The most common first-time mistake with a dildo is choosing the wrong size. The second most common mistake is the wrong lube. This guide fixes both, then covers everything else: material safety, a step-by-step first session, five solo positions with specific technique notes, and how to clean by material type — the part most guides skip entirely.

If you're completely new to penetrative toys, start at the top of this guide and read through to the position section before buying anything. The size and material decision made before purchase determines more about your first experience than anything you do during use.

Choosing Size — The Measurements That Guide Beginner Selection

Most dildo listings show total length, not insertable length. These are different numbers. A 7-inch dildo may have only 5.5 inches of insertable shaft; the rest is base. Always check the insertable length listed in the product specifications, not the total length.

For a first dildo, target an insertable length of 4–6 inches (10–15cm) and a diameter of 1–1.3 inches (2.5–3.3cm). In practical terms, 1 inch diameter is approximately the width of one finger; 1.5 inches is approximately two fingers side by side. If you are comfortable with tampon insertion but haven't used penetrative toys before, start at the lower end of this range (4–5 inches, 1–1.1 inch diameter).

The average vaginal depth at rest is 3–6 inches, expanding during arousal to 6–7 inches for most people. A 5-6 inch insertable dildo reaches comfortably without risk of cervical contact in most anatomies — which is the first-time mistake that causes pain.

For girth: a 1-inch diameter equals roughly 3.1-inch circumference. A 1.3-inch diameter equals 4.1-inch circumference. If you've used tampons without discomfort, the 1-inch starting point is appropriate. If you've had previous penetration experience and want something closer to average, 1.3–1.5 inches diameter is comfortable for most.

Upgrading size is always possible once you know what your body responds to. Starting too large and having a painful first experience is the most common reason people don't buy a second toy — avoid it by starting smaller than you think you need.

Material Safety — What the Label Means and What to Avoid

Body-safe dildo materials are non-porous, meaning they don't have microscopic gaps where bacteria can live between cleaning. Porous materials cannot be fully sanitized, which creates ongoing hygiene risk regardless of how well you clean them.

How to identify what you're buying: A listing that says "body-safe silicone," "platinum-cured silicone," "medical-grade silicone," or "borosilicate glass" is making a specific material claim. A listing that says "soft rubber," "jelly," "realistic material," or simply "TPR" without further qualification is more likely to be porous material. When in doubt, ask the retailer or choose a brand whose materials are clearly disclosed. 

Lube, Setup, and Preparation

Lube is not optional for penetrative toy use. Applying lubricant reduces friction, prevents tissue micro-irritation, and makes the entire experience more comfortable and controlled. Apply it generously to both the toy and the vaginal opening before insertion.

The one rule that matters: never use silicone-based lubricant with a silicone toy. Silicone lube breaks down the surface of silicone toys over repeated use, degrading the material, creating micro-pores, and shortening the toy's lifespan. Use water-based lube with silicone toys always. Glass and stainless steel are compatible with both water-based and silicone-based lubes. 

Avoid oil-based lubricants for vaginal use. Oil disrupts vaginal pH, increases infection risk, and degrades latex if you're using a condom over the toy.

Before your session: Wash the toy with warm water and mild soap, rinse thoroughly, and allow it to dry. Wash your hands. Lay out whatever you need nearby — additional lube, a towel, your phone if you want music or distraction. The practical setup reduces interruptions that break the relaxation needed for comfortable first insertion.

Your First Session — Seven Steps Without the Guessing

Step 1: Warm up first. Arousal increases vaginal lubrication and causes the vaginal canal to expand (vaginal tenting) by 1–2 inches. Attempting insertion before arousal is the single most reliable way to make first use uncomfortable. Spend 5–10 minutes on external stimulation or other activity before attempting insertion.

Step 2: Apply lube generously. More than you think you need. Apply to the toy tip and shaft, and to the vaginal opening. You cannot over-lubricate. You can definitely under-lubricate.

Step 3: Start with the tip only. Press the rounded tip against the vaginal opening and apply gentle forward pressure. Do not push. Let the opening relax around the tip with slow, consistent pressure. If resistance is strong, apply more lube and wait. If pain occurs, stop.

Step 4: Insert incrementally. Once the tip is inside, pause and breathe. Then insert another 1–2cm. Pause again. Continue in small increments rather than a single push. This gives your body time to accommodate and tells you exactly where comfortable ends.

Step 5: Find your comfortable depth. Comfort levels vary by anatomy. Some people find 3–4 inches comfortable on first use; others are comfortable with the full insertable length. Neither is better. Your comfortable depth is the right depth for today — it often increases with familiarity and arousal.

Step 6: Start with small, slow movements. Short back-and-forth strokes, not full withdrawal and reinsertion. Hold the base with a firm grip to maintain angle control. The sensation you're looking for is different from what you might expect — start slow and adjust based on what your body tells you.

Step 7: Explore angle changes. Slightly tilting the tip toward the front wall (toward your navel) angles the toy toward the G-spot, located approximately 5–8cm inside the vaginal canal on the anterior wall. This angled position produces noticeably different sensation than straight penetration for many people.

Five Solo Positions That Make First Use More Comfortable

Position changes the angle, gravity, and muscle tension involved in dildo use significantly. These five options progress from most controlled (best for first-timers) to most dynamic (better once you're comfortable).

1. On your back, knees bent. The most controlled position for beginners. Lying flat with knees raised and feet flat gives the most direct access with both hands free for the toy and additional stimulation. Gravity is neutral. Your pelvic floor is relaxed. This is the recommended starting position for first-time use.

2. Sitting against a headboard or wall. Sitting upright at roughly 45 degrees with knees bent changes the angle slightly compared to lying flat, which tends to direct the toy more toward the anterior wall. Comfortable for longer sessions because your back has support.

3. On all fours. Gravity pulls the toy downward in this position, creating a different sensation profile than on your back. The angle tends toward the posterior vaginal wall. This position is harder to control depth in but creates a fuller sensation for some. Better once you're familiar with the toy's length and your comfortable depth.

4. Cowgirl (suction cup toys only). If your dildo has a suction cup base, it can be attached to a flat surface — a smooth floor, the inside of a bathtub, a smooth headboard — and used hands-free in a straddling position. You control depth and angle entirely with body movement. This is the highest-control position for depth because it's gravity-assisted; it's easier to control how far you descend than to control how far you push. Only appropriate for toys with a strong, functional suction base. Test the suction before use.

5. Side-lying. Lying on your side with knees slightly bent and the toy inserted at a side angle is the lowest-effort position and the most comfortable for extended or relaxed use. Less directional control than on your back, but easier on the body for longer sessions.

Adding a Second Sensation — Combining Dildo Use with Other Stimulation

Penetration alone doesn't produce orgasm for most people. The majority of people with vulvas reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation, not penetration alone. Using a dildo alongside a vibrator or manual clitoral stimulation is not a workaround — it's how the anatomy actually functions.

Practical approaches: hold the dildo with one hand while using a bullet vibrator against the clitoris with the other; use a suction-cup dildo hands-free to leave both hands available; or use a dildo in a harness during partnered use so both partners have full hand freedom.

Temperature play adds a different dimension: running a glass or stainless steel dildo under warm water (not hot — test on your wrist first) before use creates a warmer, more yielding sensation. Running it briefly under cool water creates a firmer, more intense initial sensation. Do not use this technique with silicone toys, which retain temperature less predictably. 

Cleaning by Material — the Table Most Guides Skip

We reviewed care guidance across the five main dildo materials in the Sexy Devil range to map exactly which cleaning method is appropriate for each. The most common mistake: boiling or dishwashing toys that can't handle heat, or under-cleaning porous materials that can never be fully sanitised.

Clean before and after every use. Air-dry completely before storage. Store in the bag or box it came with to prevent dust accumulation on the surface and avoid contact between different toy materials (some materials react with each other over prolonged storage). 

When a Dildo Is NOT the Right Choice

If you're looking for clitoral stimulation only, a dildo is the wrong product. Dildos are penetrative toys. For external, clitoral-focused stimulation, a bullet vibrator, wand vibrator, or clitoral suction toy is the appropriate category.

If you experience pelvic pain during penetration, vaginismus, or significant discomfort inserting tampons, a dildo is not the right starting point. These are signs of pelvic floor issues that benefit from assessment and treatment by a pelvic health physiotherapist before any penetrative toy use. Attempting insertion without addressing the underlying cause typically makes the issue worse, not better.

If you're primarily interested in anal use: a dildo without a flared base is not safe for anal insertion. The rectum can draw objects inward, and a toy without a wide, flat base can travel beyond retrieval range, requiring medical removal. Use only toys specifically designed for anal play with a clearly flared base, or a harness-mounted dildo with an external anchor point. This rule is non-negotiable and competitors won't tell you this plainly enough.

If you're interested in hands-free use during partnered sex, a standard dildo requires one person to hold it. A strap-on harness setup, a suction-cup model, or a couples vibrator designed for simultaneous penetration are better-suited options for that specific use case.

Navigating the Range at Sexy Devil

The Sexy Devil dildo collection runs across 31 pages of products. Narrowing to beginner-appropriate options means filtering for:

Insertable length: look for 5–6 inch insertable (not total) length in the product specs. Many listings specify insertable length separately from total length.

Material: medical-grade silicone, dual-layer silicone (outer silicone over a firm inner core), or glass. Dual-layer silicone is the most beginner-friendly because the soft outer layer is more forgiving than single-density silicone.

Price range: body-safe beginner dildos typically start around $29.95–$54.95 at Sexy Devil. Price below this range often indicates porous or lower-quality materials. Free shipping applies to orders over $100 AUD.

The Lovetoy brand dildos in the collection use dual-layer silicone construction — a firmer inner core with a soft, skin-realistic outer layer — starting from $37.95. This construction gives more tactile realism than single-density silicone while being easier for first-time use than fully firm options.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does it hurt to use a dildo for the first time?

It should not hurt. Discomfort during first use almost always has one of three causes: insufficient arousal before insertion, inadequate lubrication, or a size that's too large for where you're starting. If you experience pain, stop and address the cause rather than pushing through. Mild stretching sensation is normal; pain is not.

What size dildo should a beginner start with?

For most people with no previous penetrative toy experience, a good starting range is 4–6 inches insertable length and 1–1.3 inches in diameter. Use the finger reference as a guide: 1 inch diameter is approximately one finger width; 1.3 inches is between one and two fingers. Choose smaller rather than larger if you're uncertain — you can always progress up in size, but you can't undo a painful first experience.

Can you use a dildo for anal play?

Only if the dildo is specifically designed for anal use with a wide, flared base. The base must be substantially wider than the shaft and must sit firmly against the body to prevent the toy from being drawn inward by the rectum. A standard dildo without a flared base should never be used anally. Look for toys in the anal toy category specifically designed for this purpose.

How long should you use a dildo per session?

There's no set time limit, but beginners typically find 10–20 minutes comfortable on first use. Listen to your body — soreness, dryness (reapply lube as needed), or discomfort are signals to stop. Longer sessions are fine once your body is accustomed to penetrative toy use. Always reapply lubricant if the session continues past the initial application.

Related Guides

• Shop all dildos at Sexy Devil — body-safe options from $16.95, free shipping over $100 AUD
• Water-based lubricants — compatible with all toy materials
• Vibrators — for combined stimulation during dildo use
• Anal toys — specifically designed for anal use with flared bases