Bedroom Bondage 101

SS10000 Bed Bondage Restraint Kit Life Style Shot

How can we use bondage to take sex play to the next level? If you would like a little more variety in your bedroom play, then try some of these examples we have for you.

Firstly, let’s talk about what this means. BDSM encompasses a wide variety of disciplines, so to kickstart your bondage journey here are a few suggestions with plenty of accessories and dynamics to explore throughout your kinky adventures.

Let’s explore what BDSM means…

  • B– Bondage
  • D – Discipline / Dominance
  • S– Submission / Sadism
  • M– Masochism

Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), Sadism and Masochism (SM) often now referred to as Sadomasochism

  • Bondage– restraining a partner from freedom of movement, often using ropes, cuffs, or other restraints
  • Discipline – Exerting control over a partner by the dominant (with mutual rules and punishments) over a submissive partner
  • Dominance– Dominating a submissive partner either during sex or outside of the bedroom
  • Submission– Submitting to the dominant partner’s actions and wishes
  • Sadism and Masochism (or Sadomasochism)– Either inflicting pain (sadism) or receiving pain (masochism), either physical or emotional for pleasure

Here we will focus on the bondage & discipline aspects of BDSM. So, what bondage techniques could I try? If you’re a beginner, you should start out easy and gauge your partner’s interest.  BDSM isn’t about being forceful and/or pressuring your partner to do something they are not comfortable with. You would also need to establish who will be filling the roles of Dom (dominant) & Sub (submissive).

The roles…these are not always defined by who is the most dominant or submissive in real life as often people use role reversal in the bedroom to escape real life.  For example, a high-powered executive may enjoy being a sub as they are sick of being in charge all the time and it is a relief to not have to make decisions and someone who is usually submissive might get immense pleasure from dictating the session. And then there’s…the switch. A switch is someone who can perform both roles (not at the same time usually). This is great if you want to experiment on both sides of the fence.

couple image

Generally, couples tend to experiment with bondage by being tied up and objectified as a sexual thing – to be touched, toyed with, pleasured and pleased without having to do very much at all. This is great fun at first, but couples often find that this kind of play becomes a one-sided affair.

Imagination is the key and there’s a whole world of toys and tools to explore to keep sexy restraint scenarios fresh. By incorporating explorable themes into your bondage play, you’ll find it easier to renew the experience time and time again.

Using bondage as a discipline tool doesn’t mean tying someone down so they can’t move while you beat them. In fact, to the contrary, a restrained lover can be a very willing participant and by keeping them still with their hands to themselves, you could take the dominant position and teach them tricks that are impossible for them to grasp unless they are forced to watch (and maybe gagged).

Show your lover how to please you using your hands or toys by giving them a masturbation show. You can use sex toys if you want them to be a regular part of your play. Talk your lover through what you’re doing, where you like to be touched and how by intimately describing the sensations you’re experiencing. If your lover fights to get involved – persevere. Deny their desires to keep them hungry. You know they want it, but they can’t have it. Not until they’ve learned how, perhaps you can make them recount what you have told them and not allow them to participate until they have described it to your satisfaction.

Bondage doesn’t have to be entirely restrictive – it can allow some movement so you can show your lover how to use sex positions more effectively. Spreader bars and overhead arm restraints are useful tools. Spreader bars allow easy access to the intimate areas between the legs and offer a handy bar to manipulate the legs or tie into position during more difficult positions.

Tying someone’s arms above their head allows full manoeuvrability of the torso, legs and crotch and allows your lover to move with you during penetration while retaining their balance. With your partner partially bound, they become a poseable lover by moving them into positions to teach them what really does it for you.

Incorporate bondage with oral sex – tie your lover in position on their knees and have them perform oral on you. Tell them how to move, where to move and how good it feels when they get it right. It’s a lesson they won’t forget!

Incorporate sensory play to drive your lover wild. When sight, sound, touch, taste or hearing are restricted, the senses are piqued. Sensory play is a slow build-up to foreplay which works with your psychology as well as your physicality, making both your minds and bodies eroticised. By experimenting with different methods of sensory stimulation, you’ll discover more about your lover’s body.

For lovers of foreplay, especially those who don’t feel that they get enough, sensory play is your answer. It works wonderfully with bondage as it once again adds to the anticipation of the scenario and prevents your lover getting carried away, ending the scene early. You don’t necessarily have to tie your lover up to enjoy sensory play, but you’ll find that a blindfold greatly enhances the experience.

Some examples of erotic sensory play are as follows…

Use objects and materials of different temperatures to awaken your lover’s senses. Try ice and melted massage candles in alternation or glass dildos which can be both heated and cooled. You will need to take care that you don’t hurt your partner so offer hot and cold sensations to a part of the body that isn’t too sensitive initially, such as the arm or leg, to gauge your lover’s reaction and be careful not to burn them.

The trickle of hot wax or warmed oil alternated with the chilling tingle of ice will have your lover’s body arching and curving in the most tempting ways. Please note that hot wax candles used for sex play are not the same as your household variety candle as they burn at a lower temperature. You will create burns using the wrong candles.

To incorporate a pleasure and pain regime, start with pleasurable sensations and slowly lead to a brief interlude of pain followed by further pleasurable sensations. The body reacts to these jolts of pain by releasing adrenaline and dopamine into the blood stream creating a brief natural high. It also causes the nerve endings to become more alert, meaning that the return to pleasure becomes much more satisfying and the body reacts with more sensitivity.

The pleasure and pain scenario requires no tools so is an economical addition to your repertoire. Spanking is the easiest way to experiment with this kind of play and can be incorporated into any kind of sexual experience from massage to penetration. You can offer the occasional light spank to various parts of the body to awaken the senses.

If your partner enjoys this kind of play, you may want to invest in some tools such as a feather tickler, flogger, crop or paddle. Remember to build up slowly and learn your lover’s thresholds carefully to avoid upset.

Scandal Flogger

A feather tickler is an erotic way to torture via teasing. A flogger has tails, which can be draped and tickled across the body as well as being used to inflict some pain by whipping. Usually, you would use a consistent light whipping motion to create a reddening of the skin which heightens the sensation. For a sharp, quick pain and perfect for more of a discipline type play is the crop. If your sub is being disobedient, a little smack with the crop will bring them into line. It is also good for more specific areas you want to target or to simply use as a threat like a pointer to dictate what you want. The paddle works much in the same way as your hand but offers a larger surface area and can provide a much sharper kind of pain and a nasty noise to exacerbate the sensation

A progressive form of play in which the dominant partner seeks to bring the bound partner to the point of climax (also known as edging) but then denying it by reducing the intensity of stimulation or stopping completely so that arousal subsides. Dominant partners often engage in this play alongside the submissive, controlling their own sexual arousal in sync with the control of the restrained partner.

It can be explored without bondage but by suppressing the movement of the submissive partner enables the dominant to more effectively tease and draw out play as the restraint prevents the bound partner from further stimulating themselves and enhancing excitement by denying the orgasm and creating more hunger for it. Typically, the dominant partner will bring the bound partner to the point of orgasm two or three times before allowing them to climax with mind-blowing consequences.

beautiful couple kissing in the rain

Lastly, this is a great option of play for those who suffer from premature ejaculation because it extends the playtime and overall sexual pleasure so both partners don’t feel as though they have ‘missed out’.  It can also be incorporated into costume roleplay, as most scenarios involve both dominant and submissive roles. For example, the maid with her man of the house, teacher and student, prisoner and guard, just to name a few.

Bondage & discipline doesn’t have to be about pain so don’t be afraid to let your guard down and have a play around with a few options to find out if something suits.  What do you have to lose?

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